Questioning

“I will keep the Bible, which remains the Word of God for me, but always the Word as heard by generations of human beings as flawed as I. As beautifully as these witnesses write, their divine inspiration can never be separated from their ardent desires; their genuine wish to serve God cannot be divorced from their self-interest. That God should use such blemished creatures to communicate God’s reality so well makes the Bible its own kind of miracle, but I hope never to put the book ahead of the people whom the book calls me to love and serve.”

— Barbara Brown Taylor

According to the family and church that I grew up in, all Scripture is God-breathed—meaning that every word of the Bible must be believed and followed. When things didn’t make sense as I was growing up, I was aware that questioning was discouraged and that I should keep quiet. So, I pushed down my nagging thoughts about the discrepancy between the historical timeline of Genesis and the one that I was learning in history and science class. I sat silently baffled by the cruelty of the God of the Old Testament who chose favorites and then commanded them to annihilate their non-chosen neighbors—down to every last man, woman, and child.

And my questions have only increased in complexity as I have gotten older. If we are all made in God’s image, is He my Heavenly Mother as well Father? Does God really intend for women to be subordinate to men? Must we wear hair-coverings in order to be allowed to speak in church or remain silent altogether?

Or the question that has long disturbed me: Did God really turn away from Jesus as He died on the cross covered in my sin? And if He turned away from a beloved and perfect Son, how can I ever feel safe in His love?

When I read the above quotation in Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor, I felt relieved to know that there is at least one other person who loves God but questions the inerrancy of Scripture. Who believes that the Word is inspired by God but allows for the possibility that it is also influenced by the life experiences of the human beings recording it.

Well-aware of my own quirky human memory—in which I forget so much of what is important unless I write it down—I wonder what might be altered or missing in Biblical accounts simply because they were written so long after they occurred.

Then, always, there is a related question constantly playing in the back of my mind: Am I dishonoring my God by having and voicing these questions?

Prayer: Lord, in Your mercy, hear my prayer. I want to know and love and serve You with all of my heart for all of my days. But it seems like the more I search for You, the more confused I become. I am only a flawed human being—a mixture of inspiration and desire—living somewhere between wanting to serve You and wanting to serve my own self-interest. Lord, help me! I believe. Help me with my unbelief.